Making The Best Of It!
This is unquestionably a hugely difficult and uncertain time. But there are ways, I promise, to ‘make the best’ of this sad and unsettling situation we have found ourselves in.
So many people are embracing the #inittogether ethos and doing everything they can to help and support members of their family, community and the country as a whole. This is an incredibly noble thing to do, and I applaud each and every one of you for your humble heroism. But – and it’s a big but – I am seeing a huge amount of people sacrificing their own health and wellbeing, in order to concentrate on others.
Sadly, many of us have the limiting belief that it is ‘selfish’ to put ourselves first. In truth, the brutal reality is that if you don’t look after your own wellbeing then, ultimately, you won’t be in a position to help others; indeed, you may well become the one in most need. If you are the foundation that holds your family, community, or workplace together, then it is imperative that you keep your own foundations strong and stable. Self-love and self-care are fundamentals. If there’s only one thing you take from this, please let it be that looking after yourself is not a selfish act.
Last year was very difficult for me, both mentally and physically. I had been doing overdoing things, taking on too much, making supporting others a priority; and not, for one minute, looking after myself. The result? I burned myself out. I became incredibly stressed, very unwell and, in all honesty, felt pretty broken. I had a breakdown.
Given my line of work, I realise that’s it’s probably a little strange to read that I hit such a major bump in the road. I certainly didn’t see it coming; it snuck up on and bit me on the bum when I least expected it! And that’s the thing; it’s very often only when our foundations crumble that we realise, with hindsight, that we hadn’t been looking after them properly. Or, in my case, at all!
During my breakdown, I looked at my children and thought: “You have to explain what is going on, no matter how much of a failure you feel.” If I had continued to gloss over my feelings, continued to pretend that everything was fine, continued to carry on as normal, how would that have affected my children? Not just in the now, but how would it have impacted their futures? How would it have influenced their lives when, and if, they themselves become parents?
I wanted, and needed, my children to know that their mum is not perfect. I wanted them to know that how I was feeling, and what I was going through, had no bearing on my absolute unconditional love for them; nothing could or would change that. I wanted them to know that I would still continue to do as much as I could for them. But I wanted them to know that I was human too. And that I can’t do everything.
The last thing I would ever want is for my children to even come close to the pain I suffered last year; the result of trying (and trying, and trying!) to be perfect in an imperfect world. I realised that the best thing I could ever do for them was to be honest about my struggle so that they wouldn’t have the image of me as a perfect parent, and could therefore also allow themselves to not only accept failure, but to thrive no matter what,
Fast forward 12 months and the evidence that I did the right thing is echoed in the hysterical laughter of my children as I read this out to them. I know that I made the best decision for us all.
Like many people, I felt that my own childhood hadn’t been all sunshine and rainbows, and one consequence of that was that I tried to be not only the perfect parent, but also the perfect wife, friend, support, mentor . . . the perfect everything. I know this isn’t particularly unusual; many people feel like they have to be the perfect parent, but struggle to live up to that image. For me, on every level, it was a dramatic fail. But, now, I’m ok with that.
I’m not perfect. Life isn’t perfect. Bodies aren’t perfect (I’m very honest about this in my work, and extremely proud that I don’t sell the fakery and untruths that are abound in the wellness industries.)
I’m not saying it’s easy, but the only way to make the best of this, and every, situation in life is, first and foremost, to love ourselves. It’s a harsh truth, but if we can’t love ourselves then, realistically, we really can’t help our loved ones to feel confident and secure, and to flourish in an uncertain world.
Now, more than ever, I see self-love and self-care being put on the back burner. So many things have changed in our lives, confusion and fear abound, and there seems to be more pressure than ever to be the perfect person and do the ‘right’ thing.
Something as simple as walking around the supermarket has become either scary, exciting, or rare. We are doing much more shopping online and many people are suffering not only the emotional impact of isolation, but also the physical impact of a lifestyle that has suddenly become sedentary.
The good news? There are so many ways to make the best of things right now; so many ways to make the best of it for you. If you are struggling with self-love, please know that there is so much guidance and support to help you learn how to love yourself. We often don’t notice things sneaking up behind us, which is how it becomes a problem. Take a good, honest look at yourself, your behaviour, your stress levels, and the amount of love you have for yourself. Are you truly looking after your wellbeing? Are your foundations strong? If there is any doubt at all, it is time to make changes.
Unsurprisingly, I’m a great advocate of exercise as an antidote to so many things. I’m not saying it’s a cure-all, I’m not talking about going wild (especially if fitness really isn’t your thing!), and it doesn’t have to be exercise as we know it: we just need to move to stay both physically and emotionally healthy.
Exercise really is one of the best ways to combat many of the issues we are currently facing and to ensure that, once we come out the other side of this, you will be in as good a place as you can be. Studies have found that active people experience significantly less anxiety and emotional distress than inactive people.
I am a huge fan of ‘fast fitness’ and I have devised a series of ‘on the go workouts’. When I’m busy, tired or feeling stressed, I do these workouts to increase my energy levels, lift my mood, and calm me down.
Believe it or not, I’m not a 24/7 fitness fanatic! Fitness is a job that I love, but it isn’t my life. I have a very high success rate with my online group programs, because I believe than anyone can become fitter and healthier, they just need empathy, encouragement and support.
The benefits of exercise are so much more than increasing or maintaining fitness levels. Exercise gives you energy, quiets your mind, and gives you some time in the day that is just about focusing on yourself. If I didn’t do some sort of exercise every day I, genuinely, wouldn't be able to juggle everything else in my life.
My advice is to take the pressure off yourself and do exercises in bite-size chunks. You won’t always have time to do an online class, or to go out for a walk or run. So, do squats when you’re waiting for kettle to boil, throw yourself into a plank while you’re waiting for the bath to fill, do stretches while watching your favourite TV programme, put on your favourite music and dance with your kids!
In my online family wellbeing program, I encourage doing fun movement together; in a very informal way. I still have horrors about my school PE and games lessons so I steer clear of school style exercise. It’s so wonderful to see children copying their parent/carer in doing positive things that will help them now and in the future, both physically and mentally. It’s one of the things that makes my job so very special.
If you aren’t already doing so, please, put yourself first. That is – always - the way to ‘make the best of it’. Take time out to nurture yourself, move more, and spend some quiet time doing something you enjoy.
Trust me, the people you care about will thank you for it!